A Time to Surrender

Hello friends,

I don't really believe in magic or easy answers. Oh, I used to hope for them...when I was 10. But now that I am approaching 61, I have seen that "easy answers" come only after much hard work.

To put it another way, as a writer, I've found that I've had to work every day as though this will be the day I'll be hunted down and handed a million dollars to do what only hard work can bring me. Don't worry. I've never worked hard enough for a million dollars. It was said of one writer, an overnight sensation who spent ten years arriving at that lucky place: "He made a million dollars, but he spent six-hundred and fifty-thousand getting there." So I write stories that I love, and I hope that someone else will love them too. Sometimes I sell, and lots of times I don't, but I always love them.

I hate the testing times, those times that we must go through what makes us strong; but I love how God is able to do that, and still leave us able to love, and to give. I love that He can take our weakness -- my weakness -- and make us strong -- make me strong. In spite of me. While I'm complaining. While I'm shouting, "this should be easy. You're God, after all! Remember the universe? A flash of light, and it's there? You can make my pain go away. You can make my struggle disappear. I thought you loved me!"

How I can hurt His heart is beyond my comprehension, but I do, as I hurl insults and accusations. You see, I have every reason to be happy, and most of the time I am. I am loved by a man who lights up my world every time he walks into a room, and who lights my fire everytime he tells me that he loves me. I am adored by two daughters who can't do enough for me. I am safe in an unsafe world. I am dry. Comfortable. Well taken care of. I have everything already. Why would I want magic? Or easy answers? Why would I want riches, when the God that I worship gave everything up for me? So that I could go to Him and learn to surrender myself.

I don't want what the world can give. I want only what He gives, at least for today.

With love,
Jaye

A Time for Silence

Hello Friends,

Silence. That peaceful feeling in the dark watches of the night. That is when I feel God's closeness the most. I can feel the excitement as I realize I can say anything to my Maker, and He will understand. Anything. I tell Him about my disappointments of the day, or my life, and I share with Him my joys. How sweet was the smile of my husband, right before he drifted off to sleep. The delight in the eyes of my daughters as I have yet one more story or article published. Every smile; every delight meant for me. Themselves forgotten. Just my happiness in their eyes. These are eternal gifts, given to me by God. As my eyes close, and I finally drift off to sleep, I know that I am a blessed woman.

So, this is what I give to each of them, the gift of silence, when my aches and pains have troubled me all day. The gift of laughter, instead of tears. A smile, instead of a frown. Not something fake, but something that comes from deep within my soul. First the action, and then the feeling follows.

The gift of silence I give to my God. So that I can listen. So that I can understand. So that I can follow, and bless Him for His blessings. Here Lord. Here is my heart. Here is my ear, so that in listening, I may truly hear. Thank you for every blessed thing in my life.

With love,
Jaye