This has been a difficult week for me, and, gee, it's only Wednesday. However, I have also had a great blessing. Here are some personal things that I would like to share:
I have a heart problem. It began when I was about twenty-six years old, and by the time I was twenty-nine, it became serious. I also have an insurance company. My husband spent twenty years in the military earning the right to have our health looked after. Well, our insurance company has a heart problem, a spiritual heart problem, so they have been ignoring my doctor's advice, and they have been trying to force me onto a less expensive drug, which is largely ineffective. Well, if it doesn't work, what does a 62 year old woman with a heart problem do? Well, I think they haven't thought that far, just as many people with a spiritual heart problem do. They don't think that far.
My blessing is that there is a new drug...one that has made a difference in one night. So, my heart problem is now pretty much under control. It is scary to depend upon medication, and to be denied what you need. So, here I am, very blessed with a good doctor. A kind doctor. One who has great humility. One who cares. My heart problem is being taken care of.
This has gotten me thinking, just what kind of a heart do I have? Do I have a heart problem? One that God would be ashamed of? Am I wise, in my own eyes? Am I kind? Do I need a change of heart? Whenever I have a crisis in my health, after the whining, I try to look at what God is saying to me. I try to look at it from His point of view. I often don't know what God is saying to me. So, I wonder, beyond physical health, does God think there is something wrong with my heart? So, I have begun to search my soul, and I am asking God what I need to understand when I fear for my life.
"What do you want me to understand, Lord?"
"How do you want me to change?"
"In what way do you want me to grow?"
"Well, Jaye, how about showing more kindness?"
"How about complaining less, and being thankful more?"
This is what I have thought about all day. Perhaps we live in a time where kindness has become obsolete. The Bible says, that in the last days (our time), men (meaning the human race) "shall be lovers of their own selves...proud...unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers...despisers of those that are good...lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof." 2 Timothy 3:1-7
I think this scripture could be depressing, but somehow it makes me feel better, because I know that God sees just how weary our world has become. In a way, 2 Timothy states the obvious; but it was written nearly 2,000 years ago. God knows. He knows our pain. He knows our anxieties. He knows our problems. And He cares. He is kind. Oh, we can deny Him, but we can't make Him go away; nor would I want to. Oh, if I could only express the joy I feel, when I can almost hear His heart beat. In the darkness of my room, as I lay upon my bed, His light is so evident. Night time is the perfect time for me to have a heart to heart talk with my Lord.
I love you, Lord. Thank You for being with me, even when I have felt most alone. Thank You for holding my hand in the dark. Thank You, Lord, for rescuing me, and especially, thank you for being so kind. Help me, Lord, to be kind, like You.
God bless and keep you, my friends.