Monday, August 20, 2007

A Time for Second Chances

Hello friends,

I've been so remiss in writing in my blog, and I apologize. A new internet friend contacted me yesterday, and I found myself so encouraged. As I told her, writing is a very lonely art, and sometimes it feels as though the heavens are silent. That is usually when I'm doing all the talking.

Isn't it strange how we think time is forever? Especially when we want something -- that new raise that we deserve; that pat on the back from a supervisor; or words of love from our loved one? So many things we wait for, and we sometimes think that we can do everything ourselves. Just push along; just keep our heads down and shove. We'll start our diet tomorrow. We'll get back on the wagon, after just this one -- whatever it is that is our great temptation. And times in between, when we feel bad about ourselves, simply go on forever. I've had a few months of that, and I'd like to share it with you, now.

My mother died at 64. She was having a typical argument with my father. She was loud. He was cruel. At the point that she grabbed her stomach and chest, and screamed, "I'm going to die," my father snarled back, "oh no, you're not!" And she did. She died.

I just turned 61, and I have had the specter of my mother's early death hanging over me. My life is different than hers. My husband is thoughtful and loving, and he still sees a young, beautiful woman in me. Of course, my look in the mirror shows something else. How like my mother I look, except for the smile and the happiness in my eyes. I neither drink nor smoke, and up until a few months ago (when sudden illness struck) I have been diligently walking a mile a day on my treadmill. That was the ticket for me. That time in the sick-bed has given me back over 20 pounds. My blood pressure has never been fully under control. I was retaining water, and I was so depressed.

On our anniversary, my husband and I went away for a couple of days. Oh how I love that, but there I was afraid to be seen by the man who still sees a girl in me. Luckily, the next day I slipped and fell in the tub with a mighty crash. Stark naked and afraid I would drown from the fast beating shower, my husband saved me, as he always does. Once I could stand, nothing could dissuade me from continuing our vacation. Days later, when I realized something was terribly wrong, I called my doctor, and she sent me to a neurologist. A great one.

What did I find out? Well, my blood pressure was too high, so my medication is being increased. I am on a new medicine for my trimengial neuralgia. Unbelievably, the unrelenting fire that has been my pain, has ceased, almost immediately. My blood pressure is down, and I'm beginning my treadmill worship walk again. Yes, I do have mild neuropathy (painful deterioration of the nerves in my feet and legs), but my diabetes is under control, simply from exercise and diet, and I feel hope in my heart.

I will be getting an MRI. No tube. THANK GOD! The hospital has an open MRI, made for people like me, who are dragged kicking and screaming to any enclosed space. I told my neurologist, if it wasn't an open MRI, I would drag everyone within reach and pull them into the tube with me! He laughed.

As I increase my dosage of my new medication, I feel better each day. I feel hopeful that I can begin anew. I feel as though I have been given one more second chance from God. As I record my journey of diet, exercise, and a closer walk with the Lord, I want you to walk with me. Each day, I will record in my binary log whether I'm successful or not; how I feel, whether joyful or not. Every new insight that God gives me, I will share with you. I will share recipes and diet tips. It's not like I don't know the stuff.

Please, if you know someone who is struggling with weight loss and diet. If you know someone with diabetes, who believes that they have been given a death sentence, please pass my blog-link to them. It could mean a life. With proper diet and care, and someone to walk with, each of us can live a long life. And if God should decide to bring us home, why then we can die happy.

I am a happy woman today. I realize my blessings. My husband asked me, in one of my lowest hours, recently, "have you thought about counting your blessings?" I was annoyed, because I wanted to feel bad that day. But I heard you, Honey! And I'm counting now! Today, I thank God for life, breath, joy, and sorrows, for it's in there that I grow. Today, Louie, I'm thanking God for you! And, my friends, I thank God for you, too!

With love,
Jaye Lewis

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