Wonderfully Made by Jaye Lewis
I was supposed to be nothing. That was the plan. At nine years old, my father screamed into my face.
NOTHING BUT A FAILURE! YOU WILL NEVER BE
ANYTHING! YOU’LL NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT A
NOTHING, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE!!!
I believed him. I forgot that I was created by a Great Loving God, Who “knit me together in my mother’s womb," as promised in Psalm 139:13
Despairing, because of my father's words, I worked hard at being a “nothing.” I stopped studying for my classes, in school. I stopped dreaming the dreams that often shape our future, and I barely scraped by.
By the time I was in seventh grade, I overheard my parents talking about how wonderful life would be for them if I had never been born, because, being the youngest, I would be out of the way, and they could follow their dreams. I believed them, and I forgot what God said about me.
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." Isaiah 49:15-16a.
By the time I was fifteen, my final ninth grade report card read, “She has incredible general knowledge, but no specific knowledge. She’ll never become anything continuing on this course.” I believed my teacher, and I continued on my worthless course, reading and studying on my own, everything from history through science, and as my teacher said, I began to have much general knowledge.
I read the Bible, which was a forbidden book, according to the religion of my childhood, and I began to know the God of the Bible and His great love for me. Yet, still I believed I was a failure, even weird. Somewhere, in the midst of that, I began to write, and I discovered that with no one to talk to, I began to talk to God. I did not understand the truth of Psalm 139:14, which says that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Years came and went, and darkness was all around me, but there, in the darkness, I found the light of God’s presence. Always there. Always comforting. Unknowing, as I was, God was always with me. I discovered the truth about the presence of God in Psalm 139:7-12
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.’”
I discovered that even if I did not know God, He knew me. There was much darkness in my life. I had no one to believe in me, but somehow, by the grace of God, I knew that God believed in me. I stumbled through many a dark valley, yet I discovered that I could not run from God. He was always with me. I discovered that in being hurt, I could seek to heal others. In being lonely, I could reach out and erase another’s loneliness. In believing myself to be a failure, I could encourage others to succeed. I could be a woman of honor. A woman of truth. I could change my course. And when I wrote, as I did from an early age, I could give hope to others.
I wish I had known God from the beginning. I wish that instead of a religious home, that I had grown up in a Godly one. I wish that in my teens there had been someone to influence my life, and change my course. However, even though I remember, painfully, my lonely teenage years, I can testify that my present happiness and fulfillment came from no one except God.
You see, it is God who brought me into the pleasant pasture of my middle years, and on into the beauty of my present day. I can look to no one but Him, for the joys in my life…my wonderful husband, my beautiful daughters, and my precious friends.
I am an award winning writer through His grace. I have completed my first book. I don’t expect it to be my last. A lot of people have lent me a hand in this process, but God alone brought me here. So now, in my world that is so filled with His light, I still look for those opportunities to be alone with God. And as I look back, into my teens, I realize what a great gift it was to spend those lonely nights and days with Him. I have also learned that the ugly words that others speak about me, say more about them, than they say about me.
So do not listen to negativity. Your Heavenly Father declares in His WORD, that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Believe Him. You are wonderful. Totally unique. God expects great things from you. So now you can expect them from yourself.