I haven't thought about it very often in the last 60 years. Okay, maybe 30 years. I remember turning 30 and having this moment of sickening panic, when I realized that I would never see twenty again. That day, two forty year old friends wrote me a poem, brought it to my house, and then recited for me, just how young 30 is.
I remember that 44 bothered me. Not 40, but 44, because I realized that more than half of my life was over, and one day I would die. I remember thinking that I hadn't experienced enough to think about dying. I needed to do more. Actually, the very thought about dying and knowing that my soul would live on, absolutely terrified me. I had too many unanswered questions.
It seems all too silly today, perhaps because I am facing my 61st birthday, and I am on yet two more new medications, on top of the ones I already take. Yippee.
What brings me to this place of reflection, is silly, really. You see, I have misplaced one of my new medications; and that just makes me crazy, but not as crazy as it would have made me at 55 or even 58 or even 59.
You see, I'm waiting for my daughter to come home. She will find it. She will find where I left my new medication, if she has to tear the house apart; if she has to straighten every magazine, dust every space, crawl under the bed, or find where the dog may have hidden it; or even, where my sometimes scattered brain can't remember where I set it aside last night in the dark. So, my heart is light, because I have somebody. In fact I have three somebody's, who will tear the house down and rebuild it, just to find what I need.
So, I don't need to fear getting old. I don't need to wonder who will love me, and if necessary, who will care for me. If the day ever comes, when I'm suddenly a five year old, and I can't make it to the bathroom fast enough, I know that I have three blessed someone's who will clean everything up, including me, and thank God for one more day, in which to do it.
There is a lot spoken of these days about riches; how fast you can get it; how much you can get; and how long you can keep it. I see it, and it disturbs me, because the greatest treasure on earth is to know that one is loved, and just how much.
Jesus said, that there was a man who so admired his treasures, that he built a huge barn to house it all. Jesus called him a fool. He said, "Thou fool! Tonight thy soul will be required of thee!" Then Jesus asked, how much will your treasure be worth then? Then he said one of my favorite passages in the Bible; he said, "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
So, here is my treasure, in the heart of my husband; in the hearts of my children; and in the heart of God. I am very rich. I hope that you are too.