Today is like many days I have, as a writer. I feel like I'm standing still. I live a partially reclusive life. Everyone goes off to work or school, and I take care of the dogs...and I write. I get on the treadmill, going as long as I can go; I rest...and again, I write. And often, I wait. I wait for my kids to come home. I wait for our elderly dogs to find the perfect spot. I wait for my husband to walk through the door, and I wait for my stories and articles to be published. Then I wait for the check.
The most important waiting I do, is what every believer struggles with: waiting on God. But waiting on God is more than just passing time. Waiting on God requires trust. My mistake, often, is forgetting that whole trust part, and instead, I whine and complain, and I try to read God's mind. Think about it...me, reading God's mind. Okay. Quit laughing. I know that I'm wrong, but it is the human condition...to demand; to complain; to try to read God's mind; and when we can't read His mind, all too often we give up on Him. Or we deny Him altogether.
The one thing I have the most struggle with, is patience. Oh, I have patience with the dogs, especially the old ones. I have patience with my children (who are adults, by the way), and I have patience with my husband. But I have no patience for myself, and I often am impatient with God.
So, I thought I would share with you, my imperfections, today, since this Thursday we will celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States. This is a big deal in our country. It is a commemoration of the first successful English settlement. It is also a commemoration of a rare event in our history...cooperation with those whom we barely knew (the Native Americans), and a mutual respect between two diametrically opposed societies. Together, they celebrated the first American Thanksgiving.
In light of this anticipated feast, I hold in my heart those families, who will never see their loved ones again. I pray for the parents, brothers, sisters, spouses, and sweethearts of the fallen. I also lift my heart in prayer for those who have not come back from war whole, whether in body, mind, or spirit. I pray for their families, and I beg their forgiveness, for my selfishness. Oh, how I want this war to end! How I want to see families reunited! Oh, how I want peace to triumph over profit. Oh, how I long for Jesus to come. Now there is something worth waiting for...and worth waiting well.
So, today...this moment...I begin anew. I ask God's forgiveness, and I ask your forgiveness, for my impatience over my own desires and aspirations. I renew my faith in God, and I choose to trust Him, going against every selfish bone in my body. I have the evidence of His loving kindness. I trust you, Lord, though I often let you down. I trust you, Lord, though I don't deserve your notice. I trust You, Lord, because You have brought me through the shadows of my life, and into a place of hope, peace, and love...a hope in You...a peace that only You can supply...and love immeasurable. I am a happy woman, Lord, because You have given me everything.
As a veteran, and the wife of a retired U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer, I just want parents, sweethearts, spouses, brothers and sisters to know, that at night when we pray for our own children, we pray for yours. We pray for the protection for your loved ones on the front lines. We pray for those in the line of fire, as though each one is our own child. We pray for this war to be over, and we pray for peace.
And, then, as everyone in my house is asleep, I am blessed to keep the night watches, just me and God, and I lift you up to Him, and I pray that He will keep you in his care; as though you were my very own, for I know that you are His. It is all I have to give you, just these prayers. And, I beg your forgiveness for ever believing my life is not blessed. And I want you to know that your sacrifice for each of us is more precious than rubies...and the tears of those who have lost loved ones...your tears are as diamonds...to all of us. God will not forget you or your sacrifice. And if you feel alone, I'm honored to keep watch and to pray with you.
My daughter Jenny took a picture of me and my Happy Dog, last spring, after a killing frost had destroyed every blossom in my garden, except for my beautiful, flowering crabapple. Right before my 61st birthday, we had a surprise snow, here in the Southern Appalachians. It was beautiful! Each time I look at that picture, with the snow covering the destruction that was my garden, I realize that Jesus is coming to change the earth into something bright and beautiful. I don't know when. I just know that I will wait, and I will trust in Him.