Who am I? I ask myself. Who is this person that I feel inside? Who is this person who dances gracefully in my heart, but whose feet can't seem to follow? Who is this person who can watch a sunset from beginning to end, on one exhaled breath?
Who am I, now that the stars grow dim, right before my eyes. I miss them each time I am able to walk outside at night, and look up at the sky, only to be disappointed by a blurry, milky smear.
I did, however, see something wonderful last night, as I let our dog run out and take his trot out to his tree. You may laugh. But these are the times when unexpected beauty often unfolds. Out in the darkened eastern sky, there was the moon, a small sliver of red, with a tiny line of red encompassing the entire edge. The definition of this lunar event is beyond me; however what it did to my heart was amazing. You see, when I'm all alone, and I see some incredible event of nature, I'm quite certain that every beautiful thing was created just for me.
This is not my typical blog entry. I feel as though I have been neglecting the most important relationship in my life...my relationship with Jesus. For me, a relationship requires that I talk to Him, praise Him, and most of all, that I listen.
It is easy for me to become depressed. It was a family tradition when I was growing up. I'm talking - Van Gogh cutting off his ear and sending it to his lady love - depression! You think I jest, but I can promise you that the theme song for my family was The Twilight Zone! So, when I feel depressed, I often don't recognize it right away. But when I do, that's the time to renew my relationship with God.
So, here I go, unsophisticated, non-poetical, and unknowing what I am about, today. Off I go to my treadmill, and my dad-blasted MP3 Player (which I will never fully understand how to use), and with as little cursing as possible, I will walk that mile, just for Him.
Father, we all have these days when we long for good news to heal our aching souls. We often equate these longings, as a longing for the things of this world. Something to tell us we are worth the breath that we take. However, as we bend our will to Yours, grant us the grace to know that our hope is in You.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008