My eyes are pretty dim these days, and my fear is that I will lose my eyesight. There is such a blur of words, and the lights have streaks coming from them. At least, this is what I see. I can "touch type" without looking at the keys, but I also have to look on my new keyboard, since every board is just a little bit different. So, I look to make sure I don't miss a single letter.
Which reminds me...Jesus said that He had come to fulfill the Law (that would be the Law of Moses, which is technically the Law of God), not destroy it. In fact, He said that as long as the earth stands, not one "jot" or one "tittle" (the smallest stoke of the pen) would pass away.
So, as I sit here typing, squinting my eyes so that I can make out the letters, I think about how God cares about the tiniest pen stoke, the smallest sparrow, and every breath that I take. So, then, I wonder. What is God doing that I cannot see? If my eyes were 20/20, as they once were, do you suppose I would see the infinite? What is God doing that we cannot see?
My writing is an example of two frames of understanding. I'm a published author, without a published book. I have my own website, which is number one on a Google search of my name. I have a blog, in which I frequently write. My head knowledge tells me that my website and my blog are visited pretty regularly. Many of my stories and articles are all across the web. I'm known, somewhat. But what does that mean? What is God doing that I cannot see?
Once, when I was an invalid and pregnant with my youngest child, I was forgotten. People who knew, didn't want to know. I was a stranger in a strange land, you might say. I was so very lonely, so I focused on my relationship with God. I made a promise to Him, that just as I was forgotten, I would not forget others. I told Him that when I got the chance, I would reach out to those who feel forgotten. This is why I chose to do what I do.
So, in all of this, which is really small stuff within a vast universe, I wonder what God is doing. I'm certain that He is doing more than I could ever imagine. I suppose I will never know, exactly why I am here tapping away on my keyboard, trying to share my faith in Him, in some small way.
I talk to God, and I tell Him, that sometimes it feels as though I am standing still. That I am a creature, His child, who needs to hear from Her father. I tell Him that I need a hug, words of encouragement, and a knowing as to what He is doing that I cannot see. He is doing something, and nothing He does is small.
So, now I wonder, if I lose my sight, will I then finally see with understanding, what He is doing to the hearts of those who read my message? I wonder how He is using me.
Father in Heaven, You have given each of us gifts to share, whether it be a great medical discovery, or simply a kind word. Which gift is the greatest? The kind word or the great discovery?
Jesus said, a cup of water given to the least of those who follow Him, will bring rich rewards. I doubt that He was talking about money. The reward is not now, this is merely the journey, and I travel in His bloody footprints, striving to honor Him in what I do.
Father in Heaven, here I write, holding a cup of water, desiring to do Your will. Please, Father, help me to understand what you are doing that I cannot see.
Friday, April 11, 2008